The Contract
I the undersigned, do hereby contract to enjoy without restrain all Earthly pleasures of the flesh and stake claim to my fully allotted share of the seven deadly sins. I shall be granted free dial-up and unlimited access to the following services:
- Pride: Vanity is also freely available.
- Envy: You may have to wait if others are using the service.
- Gluttony: An “all you can eat” buffet.
- Lust: A full range of services. All objects of desire now available.
- Anger: Please listen to the recorded message until this service manifest.
- Greed: Avarice and covetousness also available. Neighbor’s ass on request.
- Sloth: If you can be bothered.
The duration of my free access to all manifestations of the above listed pleasures shall be the years of my mortal existence. In exchange for the above services, I offer the small matter of one soul-slightly worn and with one less/than/careful owner. This shall become the sole property of The Devil in perpetuity or for the term of eternity, whichever shall be the longer.
Signature: Nicholas D. Satan (the Devil) 6/6/66
Signature:___________
Please apply spot of blood here:
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